Adopted and donor-parented children fare much better when they are told the news early in life. Waiting only delays the inevitable - a child will find out, and the sooner they do, the better. Why do parents so often wait then?
Recently, Robert Klitzman wrote an article in the Huffington Post about the importance of giving children the news about their origins as soon as possible, because the psychological consequences of waiting are worse as time goes on. Keeping the information a secret only satisfies parents' selfish desires to remain the ultimate parent figures, and saves them the stress of breaking the news. This is more important now than ever, when 1% of childbirths use the assistance of reproductive technologies.
The situation seems to be even more complex now than ever, since donor children are not quite the same as adopted children. Before, it was simple enough to phrase, "we are not your real parents." Now, more thought-out wording is required to explain to a child that another individual donated their sperm or eggs to aid parents in using reproductive technologies to essentially "create" a child.
This, of course, is going to be a necessity, as the percentage of reproductive technology use only increases. However, the most pressing question on my mind is: what kind of implications does this have for future cloning practices? How do you describe to a child what kind of process conceived them?
This will further complicate things to a level that is yet unprecedented. Parents will need to explain more than ever, and the psychological consequences may be worse than any information regarding parenting has ever been. It seems as though most clones will undoubtedly face some sort of identity crisis trying to grapple with the concept of their being, and rates of depression would skyrocket. Suicide rates in clones would be much higher in relation to the rest of the population, and finding an effective way to handle clones and their psyches will not be easy.
Right now, we are struggling to find a safe method to protect the physical safety of clones, but once we solve this, an equally important problem waits in the shadows. When physical safety is provided for, mental safety is next. Will we be able to rise to the challenge?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-klitzman-md/in-vitro-fertilization-families_b_782690.html
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As you say, it is ridiculous that adoptive parents withdraw the information of their children's true origins, but why do parents feel obligated to do this? In order to be a loving mother or father, it is imperative that one is completely honest with their child. This dishonesty that you observe, though, is indicative of a broader societal problem. Every day, we are witness to countless spoiled children running amok through the nations' malls and schools while their parents stand idly about, distracted by work or play, completely ignorant of their children's behavior. Parents today are misled into believing that the world of children is one dimensional and simplistic - if you tell your kid you're her real mommy, they'll love you; if you give him an Xbox, they'll think you're a better parent than your ex-wife. Some sociologists will just chalk these occurrences up to the rare products of a complex society, but as more and more children fall victim to the ignorance of their parents, it becomes evident that this misrepresentation of familial mores in contemporary America is, or should be, a blight on our national conscience. However, as the media capitalizes on misleading advertising schemes and skewed news stories, it is difficult to see this. Because of this, it is difficult to prove that we, a vulnerable and very morally undermined society, are actually ready for the new abstract advances in reproductive technology. These advances will make many already-present moral dilemmas that much more difficult to withstand as a society and may contribute significantly to our decline.
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